In My Minds Eye
by xxDarknessWithinxx
Summary: Sirius Black; Is he in or out of his mind? The tricks that ones mind plays upon them may not be so much fun after-all.


**Title: In my Minds Eye  
**

* * *

"Oh for Merlin's sake James, you have to be kidding!"

"Nah, I have to do it. It is not as if I really want to though. She has already come to her senses about him but if I keep on doing it I am likely to have one heck of a time ever getting her to come back to my side again." James states with a bit worry in his voice

"Well, maybe she is not worth all the trouble in the first place, has that thought even entered your mind even once?"

"You know how I feel about her Sirius, she is my destiny. It is not as if I have anything to really do with it. We are made for each other and that is all I am going to say on this subject for the very last time," as James argued.

"Yeah, like this is going to be the last time, yeah, right, go on dreaming. You'll see; one day you are going to wake up and she is going to be gone and what will you be left with? I'll tell you what, a huge hole in your chest, a thumping in your head and the four of us. That's what you are going to be left with. "

James looked at me with a scowl on his face. A bit of anger crept across his handsome features. I noticed a small bead of sweat had just developed above his brow and was now traveling on its way over the bridge of his nose to only be re-routed by his glasses and then it slid onto the side of his nose and down his cheek.

"See, she has already made you turn into a Pretty Pink Pygmy Puff you know."

So I continued to torment James with my constant egging on. I know full well that James is really and totally involved with her.

She had come to be known now as the Fifth of Four. The Original Four Marauders being myself and James, along with Remus and Peter and now here she is pushing her way into all of our fun.

Everyone at Hogwarts who had eyes knows that we the Marauders as we have dubbed ourselves are inseparable. Nothing and no one can come between us. Well, no one that is until Lily Evans came along that is.

"Yeah, well, you know James, beauty is only skin deep and I would not let my best mate go turning himself inside out for a few years of pretty when he just might be stuck with a lifetime of ugly. They say you should never pick your wife without taking a good look at her mother first. The ole apple does not fall very far from the tree you know!"

I winked at Peter and Remus who are both sitting with their backs against the same tree that James is hanging upside down from a low hanging limb by the back of his knees. Sometimes I think we should run, just the two of us should run away and join the Wizarding Circus together.

"Shut it you! It's not like you were cut from the fanciest of cloth yourself you know!" James snorted at me.

Stinging to my very core, I felt that familiar pang deep down inside my stomach. It happens more and more every day since that very first day when James and I had both found ourselves sharing a compartment on the Hogwarts Express that warm September 1st six years ago.

This sick feeling makes my head swoon a bit and I sometimes make absolutely no sense to anyone with the jumbled garble that falls from my mouth when I get to feeling like this.

This is so opposite from my normal smooth and cool demeanor having always been known as the smoothest of the in kids at Hogwarts.

"Oh I recognize that feeling but there is no way on earth I am going to let a single Witch or Wizard know about it. If I ignore it, it will go away as quickly as it came, it just has to."

Then it happened again, a quick flash of Ginger in my face which was then quickly followed by a loud thud just there in front of me.

As I regained my vision, I realized that it was her hair blowing across my face as she sat herself right next to me. Her back now firmly pressed against my shoulder as she quickly gives me a peck on the cheek.

"Hi Sirius, Remus, Peter, uh, you OK there James, hope you didn't break anything?" Lily quips.

"Yeah, I'm all right, meant to do that yah know. It's the only way to get down from that limb without breaking every bone in Peter's body by having to use him as a step stool." James states.

I hear Remus begin to snicker as Peter turns toward James with a look of utter bewilderment plastered across his face.

"Me? Why Me? Why would you have to use me as your step stool? Why not Remus here, he is used to being beat up on, so why not him?" Peter begs

My hand came around so quickly that I took Peter by complete surprise and he finds himself suddenly being pulled into a headlock as we all administer a liberal amount of noogies to the top of his head.

"Boys, boys, will you please act your ages. At this rate everyone is going to think you have all been held back and are being forced to repeat your terms here at Hogwarts and starting as first years all over again!" Lily scolds us.

"You know that might be something there, huh James? Maybe we should figure out a way to go back to our first year here at Hogwarts but taking with us all the knowledge and the spells that we now know. Could you imagine that?"

I could feel that familiar feeling of security once again filling my insides as that horrible feeling had now subsided. The sound of James laughter as his arm was now draped over my shoulder made me feel so comforted even though I knew that James hand was actively playfully combing its way through the long Ginger locks that she had spread out and were now covering both her back and my arm and side.

I am feeling this wonderful warm feeling of being loved, pressed between the two people in this world that make me most at home with myself, I find myself drifting off into the warm afterglow of feeling loved.

Suddenly there is this deafening loud sucking sound which is just so hideous that my ears begin to develop pressure, my eyes feel as if they are being pulled deep within my scull and my breath is halted as I am caught off guard.

I am gasping for air, any air, only to find this the putrid and foul replacement for Oxygen that entering my lungs. It burns like nothing else I have ever felt before.

My insides are being squeezed as if I am being forced through a rubber tube no wider than a garden hose.

My mind begins to blur, as this thick fog blocks my vision. Even had I been capable of holding my own hand in front of my nose at this moment, I would not be able to see it.

My splitting headache seems to double, no then triple as my fingers begin to go extremely cold. This feeling of sick begins to rise from deep within my stomach, way down, no even deeper, from down inside my very bowels.

"Oh my lord, I am going to be sick! No, I can't, not here, not in front of him oh God please no."

"If I curl up as tight as possible into a ball, I know this feeling will pass, it'll pass, it has to, I have to make it pass."

"James, James, Lily, James please help me. Oh if there is a God in the heavens please help me now. I promise I will give you whatever you want, do whatever you ask of me, just make this go away, and make this go, please!"

The fog before my eyes is now beginning to evaporate. The blackness that obscured everything before my eyes now is passing and is allowing me once again to see. Oddly now, my vision is left in black and white as the color had not only been drained from my skin but also from his field of vision and even from my very soul.

A figure began to sharpen in the distance before me. It is only a few feet in front of me.

I try to make my mouth open, audible sound to form but nothing seem to work. I am left panting as if life itself has been pulled within seconds of my being and is just now being drawn back into me with the greatest of difficulty.

The first thing I could make out was something green. Bright green, the color has begun to return to my mind and vision. I can make out the color but of what though?

"Ah, yes Black, I see you are still clinging on to life here. What, have you developed some sick affection for torture? Have you got a thing for the Dementors?" his voice burnt into my brain.

"That voice, I know that voice!"

The little bit of warmth that begins to return to my extremities now are causing a burning sensation at their very tips, as if fire were blazing upon them and melting my skin. The pain begins to spread through my body, I am trying desperately to focus and make out the form before me.

"Fudge," the word just burst from my mouth. I do not even know where my strength came from to form the thought or the word.

"I can see him now, that rotter. Fat little idiot he is. Thinks he is something special with that Bowler of his. Minister of Magic, bah, idiot of the earth is more like it!"

"What? NO! HOW COULD HE, WITH THEM, THERE?" my mind begins to race a million miles a second. I suddenly feel as if I were strapped upside down onto a broom as it is speeding on its way to the moon.

"Calm down Sirius, calm yourself down. Act, do it, act normal. You can do this, it is the only way to get it from him."

"M-m-m, M-m-m, Minister Fudge? M-m-m, May I p-p-please have that paper when you a-a-a-a are f-f-f-finished with it?"

"My paper, for Merlin's sake what on earth for? Need to follow up on your Social Life do you?" Fudge's condescending tone was threatening and with such contempt that I begin to feel weakness to my muscles.

I feel it hit me against the side of my head and then as it drops into my lap as I am laying still in a fetal position on the cold and damp floor of my cell. I feel this sudden exhilaration which I have not felt in years! No, not in at least what seems to be a lifetime.

I hear the slamming of the wrought iron door of my living tomb, followed by howls and screams of utter despair and wretched pain. Sounds that I am now realizing that I have somehow become immune to but now these sounds are frightening beyond my wildest imagination. Way down deep in my bowels this feeling of sick began to rise once more.


End file.
